Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
