You made me cry and you don't even care
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
