What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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