I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
