Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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