I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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