They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
