i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
