Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
