He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
