With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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