T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
so much tequila, so little girl.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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