I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
