Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
