I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize