I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.