I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
