dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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