Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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