That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
