My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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