i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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