Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
