hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
