once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
