So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
