dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
