No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
