she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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