i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
