we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
