ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
