So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
