Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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