im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are we still banned from the library?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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