Your mouth is God's brothel.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
