Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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