I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
