Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
