She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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