It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
