Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
