he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
