i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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