so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
