That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
