I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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