Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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