You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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