6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
