You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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