It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
